Tales of Everyday Magic - My Greatest Teacher is a movie portraying one Wayne Dyer's many life stories. It's a compelling drama that speaks to us about the power of forgiveness. The main character, Dr. Ryan Kilgore, a professor at a major university, finds his life spinning out of control when his drive to succeed takes priority over family. Driving him is the unexamined rage and unforgiveness tucked deep in the memory of his father abandoning the family when he was just a boy. His father's unexpected departure leaves his mother penniless forcing her to put Ryan and his two brothers in separate foster homes. As an adult, Ryan finds himself still longing to connect with and understand the father he never knew. With clues from distant relatives, he tracks his father down in California where he finds himself confronting painful feelings and seeing the truth about the man he never knew. As a result, the journey becomes a life altering event which allows him to release the anger, forgive his father and move into a better place in his life.As I watched the movie, I was reminded of a scene in my own novel Portsmouth A Love Story, where the main character, Severine Champagne, is confronted by her father who teases and abuses her because of her weight. That too is a painful life story--mine. It also reminded me of being five years old again and waiting around all day for a father who never showed.
Like clockwork, my father would play golf every Saturday and Sunday morning. In the afternoon, he would come home and sit in the basement family room with his gin and tonic and watch golf on television. I would tug on his shirt and say, "Dad, you told me last night you would take me for an ice cream when you got home from golf," or "Dad, you said we would take a drive to the beach today. Can we go now?"
He would often say, "Let me rest for a while. I've been playing golf all morning. I'll take you later."
It was always later...but later never came.
My mother would watch as I peered through the basement windows watching and waiting for my father as he started to fall asleep on the couch with the gin and tonic by his side.
My mother would say, "Robin, why do you always believe him? He always makes promises to you that he never keeps. Why haven't you learned your lesson yet?"
I never had an answer when I was five, but I do now. I want to believe the best in people. I want to believe that people are honest and keep their word.
After watching the movie, I thought about how people disappoint us in our lives. Sometimes it's our family, friends, people we encounter in our work lives, or neighbors. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who deals with people who disappoint, but I know I'm not.
My friend Dawn just had three rounds of interviews at a company. They told her they would be calling her references--a sure sign that a job offer was imminent. After 3 weeks, 2 un-returned calls and emails asking about the status of her application, they never responded. Only after tracking down someone who works at the company did she learn that they hired someone else.
I can't tell you how many of these stories I hear about going on in the job market these days, where companies don't even respond to applicants after rounds of interviews or tell them they'll get back to them and never do. They just leave them hanging. Like my father did to me.
I know I'm not the only one who has experienced disappointment. The challenge and question is, can we forgive those people who act with a blatant disregard for our feelings...even when we're still in pain as a result of being disappointed?
In the end, my father never took me for the ice cream or to the beach when he said he would. My father never attended my college graduation, and never congratulated me when I passed the CPA test or when I got a job with one of the top accounting firms in the country. When I made my big announcements, all he could ask was, "When are you getting married?"
My father passed away twelve years ago, and I've long since forgiven him. Whether I'm five years old or forty-eight years old, I still have to grapple with the fact that there are people who don't live their lives with integrity. Should it make me angry, mean and untrusting? No. Like Wayne Dyer, we need to use these people as our greatest teachers. If we can scrounge up all the energy we have to forgive and release these people, we can free ourselves from the pain they've inflicted on us..
Because of our disappointments, we hold the space for integrity knowing how our actions effect other people. We return emails and phone calls. We show up when we say we will. When we're in a position to hire people, we treat them with the respect they deserve by telling them if they're hired or not within a reasonable period of time--just as we would want. When a friend invites us to a party, we show up and not cancel at the last minute. We celebrate the successes of our friends even if we're not doing so well in the moment--knowing our time will come. By forgiving the past and releasing the pain, we're able to show up for life and lead by example. If we don't, we're them.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
R. Ann Rousseau writes about metaphysical, spiritual and astrology topics on her blog Explore Beyond the Usual. She is author of the new novel Portsmouth, A Love Story. Follow R. Ann Rousseau on Twitter @RAnnRousseau or Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/PortsmouthALoveStory
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