They all chime in that they’re sitting in front of their television ready to learn. Last night, I got the same response from all three friends after the show, “Tonight was a little harsh.”
Oprah showcased several examples of women who were physically and emotionally abused. The topic is important…and maybe it should have represented one example of Love Doesn’t Hurt, but a whole show of mostly physical abuse was a little overwhelming for the average Joe and Jane. Most people haven’t experienced physical abuse in their relationships but a whole lot of people know what emotional abuse or emotional disrespect in a relationship looks like.
I think the class may have been better served if she showed relationships where the husband or wife is physically there but has checked out. For example, do you have a husband who cheats on you emotionally by retreating to his man cave at night without spending time with you? How about a husband or wife who chats with other women or men on the internet all night or all day but doesn’t have a decent conversation with you?! That hurts too.
I’ve seen women who stay in relationships with men who go on vacation without them. I have seen women who sleep in separate bedrooms and maintain a loveless relationship for the kids.
Oprah talked about the kids in a loveless relationship. So many people think they’re doing the kids a favor by staying in a bad marriage. The message Oprah gave through example last night is, DON’T STAY IN A LOVELESS RELATIONSHIP FOR THE KIDS! The kids notice. You're their example of how partnership works. If you have a loveless marriage, there’s a good chance your children will too. Why would you want to give anyone the legacy of Lovelessness?
How many times have you gotten into a relationship and TRY to make it work?
Oprah says: “Love Does Not Hurt, Love is a Safe Place to Be, Love is Grace, Love is Joyful, Love is Warm, Love is Nurturing, Love Feels Good.”
If your partner doesn’t return your phone call or return your email or ignores you, that hurts. It’s a sure sign that love doesn’t live there anymore. If your partner doesn’t communicate with you or prefers watching or playing sports to spending time with you, love doesn’t live there anymore.
Oprah tells us that, “People who love you, don’t treat you badly.”
She even brought up the subject of family. So many people stay with families who abuse them verbally. When a parent insults you, that hurts. When a parent is hypercritical of you, calls you ugly, disgusting, or says ‘I’m Busy’ all the time, that hurts. If as a child or you as an adult try to hug your parent and they shoo you away, that hurts. Love doesn’t live there. Why stay?
Oprah says, “People treating you badly, being disrespectful and critical is NOT real love.”
Your current sense of self worth is mirrored in the people you choose to surround yourself with. If you don’t like what you see in the mirror, change the people you let into your inner circle. Start to respect and honor your spirit.
I can’t agree with Iyanla Vanzant when she appeared a few weeks back on Oprah's Life Class. She said that all parents should be honored because they brought you into the world regardless of how they treat you. It sounded like the old Christian doctorine speaking through her--not her Spirit. I know that because it felt wrong to me and many others who told her so. Having sex without protection doesn’t always deserve honor. Women who become pregnant don’t always welcome their child into the world.
My position is to honor those who have shown themselves worthy of being honored. Bad parents don’t deserve false honor. It would be inauthentic and a violation of your Spirit to honor them. Forgive and release them to God and go on to have a healthy life and surround yourself with a new family of friends who are With You and For You. Choosing to surround yourself with quality relationships says that you value your Spirit and the energy you let into your space.
I believe that in the 21st century, we are here to correct centuries of traditional religious doctrine that told us we had to do this, we had to do that—or we were going to hell. They’ve always told us that if we choose to walk away from a bad marriage, bad family, or a bad religion, it’s us who is bad. WRONG. On a spiritual level, we chose the transformational experience of regaining self worth to move the conversation forward. When we’re courageous enough to walk away from the mean people in our life, we are an example to those who watch us from the wings who are also dealing with the same struggle. We send the message that we don't go to hell if we walk away…quite the opposite. We pass Go and go directly to a more peaceful place where people who have a strong sense of self worth go. I live in that place and can tell you I wouldn’t go back for anything.
If you liked this or have more to add to the discussion, please leave a comment at the bottom of this post.
Copyright© R. Ann Rousseau. R. Ann Rousseau reviews spiritual metaphysical books on her blog http://www.explorebeyondtheusual.blogspot.com/ and website http://www.explorebeyondtheusual.com/ She has completed her first novel Portsmouth, A Love Story.